Hello, Martina's Martini. We Meet Again.

“When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.”

These are the opening lines of the Declaration of Independence, signed by 57 brave men, on July 4, 1776, setting into motion a chain of events that led to the formation of the greatest county this world has ever known (sorry to my non-American friends, but I do have a bias here!). Our forefathers believed that our rights – specifically those of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, were worth dying for. Many men did just that.

Many men and women continue to this day to risk their lives for the cause of freedom around the world. I value their sacrifice. I appreciate their sacrifice. I honor their memories.

It is after considerable contemplation, and because of the level of respect that I have for the office of soldier that I have decided to post this comment which the person known to most of us as Martina’s Martini sent to me last night. Those of you reading may not understand the connection that I make with the great ideals of our beginnings with these matters. I believe that it is in the distortion of those rights, and the belittling of the sacrifices that brave men and women have made, that the likes of Heidi Diaz are born. Hopefully, as you read further, you will understand my point.

From early on, MM, I gave you the benefit of the doubt. I accepted your presentation of who you are. I accepted your stated purpose and motives. I do feel that you betrayed that trust, but I will let others judge for themselves. The case of Heidi Diaz is one with its foundation steeped in fraud and deception. I have never wavered in my belief that you are NOT Heidi Diaz – that you are who you told me you are, in spite of the fact that it would 100% consistent with the past actions of Heidi to fabricate a person such as Martina’s Martini. In truth, many of the behaviors that you, as MM, presented are 100% consistent with the past behaviors of Heidi herself. Apparently that acceptance that another person extended to you was meaningless, if your actions are to be used as the measuring stick.

I post this so that you, my blog visitors, may hear him in his own words.

I know that there are many questions that others have – questions like, why, if what you say here was your true intention, did you explode onto the scene in the Fascination With Kimmer thread in such an abrupt and condescending manner? Were you mocking the Ducks you claim to admire when you posted cryptic messages on your Martina’s Martini blog? Why the mind games? If you choose to answer those questions, feel free to address them, or to invite others to ask whatever questions they have right here in this blog. I’ll post the questions and all comments, including yours.

But for me, there is only one question that I have that I would appreciate you answering. Why, if what you say here is indeed true, did you correspond with Heidi Diaz, giving to her information that pertained to one of the principals in this lawsuit? Please do not bother to deny that you did that. It has been proven to my complete satisfaction that you did, in fact, do so. That is the one part of this that I am having the most difficulty with - reconciling that action with the person you presented yourself to be. When people do what you have done to another person, that person's ability to trust and willingness to reach out to other hurting human beings becomes diminished. I'd like to believe that you are the type of person for whom that matters.

Remember that we talked about your legacy, and writing your story? Well, here is your opportunity to clean up some of what you either intentionally or inadvertantly left for those behind you to find.

I assure, you, MM, that I certainly WILL continue to fight. I will do what I can to reach out to victims of the deception of Heidi Diaz. I will continue to fight with the resources available to me to see to it that justice is served in this case. And I am not alone in that quest – not by a long shot. There is a day of reckoning coming to Heidi Diaz. Count on it. It remains to be seen who will be found culpable alongside her.

Here follows the comment that Martina’s Martini posted to my blog last night in response to the entry, Was I Duped?

“Actually, eh, it had nothing to do with any of this. See in this situation, you always need to know what someones motives are. Mine was never money, far from or helping Heidi. It wasn't for attention. Systems have certain drawbacks. Even when people try to flock and gather information from ever corner of reason. Psychology is and always will be the study of human behaviors. See. I had something that needed to be discussed with someone in this world. Messages flew. See Pru, I found resolution in all of this. The other person also found a resolution in the ongoing situation. When you think or feel you have been duped, it kinda makes me feel bad, but at the same time. You continue to drive on...and make this matter a human fight. See, quite honestly, if it wasn't for "The Ducks, and this issue not discussed on the internet, then I would have never never really known what the world had been happening with this person. See..YOU may hate me, and in some small matter rightly so. The actions though, prooved to me that they are good people in this world. My dealings with this person, completely are now at a total end. She has found a resolution, and so have I. You have no clue to what end though I had wanted things to be over. This whole Kimkins mess did have impact on this person. I knew what these people were looking for months ago when the calls did start happening. They wanted an edge, they didnt get an edge. What they got was something THEY THOUGHT they were going to be able to use. I am a broken down old soldier, my face is half gone, my foot isnt there anymore. Now to conclude. They would never..never be a day in this world history, I would ever say anything bad about the other person. Although, we had a bad past, The recent events, changed that. Pru, she found a resolution....and so did I. The system of gathering information though, has flaws, has drawbacks for you guys. They are con people, and bad people, and weirdos out there. They are people wanting 15 to 30 minutes of fame. I didn't want any of that. I came across this whole mess by accident. You take care Pru, be well and do keep up the good fight.”

I Finally Get It!

UPDATED: First, Heidi, Jeanessa has a message for you ... follow the #1 Kimkins Lawsuit Weblog link to the left ...

Now, back to the blog post ...

Can you identify with any of this? Do you see or hear yourself in any of these as you think about your relationship with Heidi Diaz/Kimmer, either past or present?

Guilt
If she is being nasty with me, well, I’ve done something to deserve it … maybe I gossiped and don’t even remember… going back through all of the posts I wrote to see if I deserved it … look at all she did for me, and look what I’m doing to her in return … she gave to me when no one else would … I should have known … I ignored the signs …

Denial
They are telling lies about her ... I twisted her words … I misunderstood her … she didn’t really say it … I’m not remembering it right … she’s not really that way … she was just having a bad day or moment … that wasn’t the “real” her … she didn’t really mean it … she must be ill, maybe even have a problem like split personality disorder, I’m the only one that understands her … if I leave, she’ll be all alone …

Concern for others
If I leave, she’ll take it out on them … so long as she is talking about me she won’t bother anyone else … if I leave there won’t be anyone to stick up for them … I’m tough, I can handle it, but they can’t …

Fear for yourself
No one else will be able to help me … I’ll end up fat again without her to help me stay thin … I couldn’t do it myself before, so how can I expect to do it myself without her … if I leave I will lose my friends … if I go public with this she will terrorize my family or air my dirty laundry … if I turn on her she will blame me … she will drag me into it … she will expose me and my reputation will be ruined … people will know that I have issues with food …

Shame
I know there is something wrong with me … I know I shouldn’t let her treat me this way … I’m just weak and can’t seem to stand up to her … when I try she rears up and gets even bigger than me … I can’t let anyone else see me like this … if people knew the real me they would be repulsed … they will feel pity for me, and I don’t want pity …

Branded Syndrome
Everyone will see me for the failure I am … I’m not a quitter … I am weak … I’m not smart enough to figure this out … People will think I’m so stupid … my loved ones will laugh at me … my husband will be angry that I spent the money then walked away without succeeding … people I love and respect will turn their backs on me … people in my support network will turn on me … I will be considered a whistle blower … I will be called a gold digger … people will think I am jealous of her … I will be called a hater … I will be called a Duck …

Hopeful
If I just do or say the right thing, everything will be great … if I’m nice enough, compliant enough, she will like me and be nice to me … if I lose the weight and become a front page success story she be nice to me … if I just don’t stir anything up she won’t notice me … I’ll stay under the radar … once she isn’t under pressure or being attacked she will be different … if people would just stop trying to take what she has earned she will be nicer … who wouldn’t be mean and nasty with other people always attacking you, tearing you down and trying to ruin your life?

The above emotions and thought patterns are classic symptoms exhibited by victims of abuse. Abuse does not simply come from the hands of a lover or a parent. In this case, it is coming from the hands of a scammer.

It is also possible to have these emotions revolving around the website, rather than Heidi. Believing that there is no other place on the internet, no other safe environment where people won’t harass you would be an indicator that you fall into this category.

You must know right now – if this is you – if you identify with any of these emotions and thoughts – there is NOTHING wrong with YOU. You are not the deficient one. You are not weak. You are not broken. YOU are not the problem.
Thank you AmyB for being so articulate as you express your feelings. Your descriptions of your experiences, along with the emails that you received from Heidi have opened the window for me. I understand the hold that Heidi Diaz has on so many people. Over the next few days I will go deeper with this, looking both at the behaviors of the abuser, as well as exploring the question of why we are susceptible to someone like Heidi Diaz in the first place.

Chances are that many of you reading this have had feelings stirred up in you by watching this entire Heidi Diaz ordeal and not even known why you feel so strongly. Things are triggering in you because at some level, you can identify with those who have been caught in her web. More on that later, though